A A Email Print Share

Information for Men

Information for Men

Did you know?

  • 99% of persons arrested for or convicted of rape are men.
  • In a survey of high school boys, 76% believed forced sex was acceptable under some circumstances.
  • In a survey of college males, 35% anonymously admitted that, under certain circumstances, they would commit rape if they thought they could get away with it.

Most men don’t rape. But most rapists are men. While many of these men are deeply disturbed sociopaths, some are also “regular guys” who go too far, perhaps because of being under the influence of drugs or alcohol, or because of wrongly-held beliefs about what a woman “should” do in certain situations. Below are some commonly held myths that men should read and think about in order to protect themselves from becoming a perpetrator of sexual assault.

What if a woman leads me on and then says “no” to sex? Isn’t that unfair?

A person has a right to change his or her mind at any point during an intimate encounter. NO means NO, and after she says NO, it’s rape! There is NO POINT at which a man cannot control himself during sexual arousal. He may not want to control himself, but he can stop.

Don’t some women make up stories about rape just to get attention or ruin a guy’s reputation?

No person in her right mind would fabricate a rape charge and go through all the horror, trauma, and fear of reporting it to the police, going through a physical exam at the hospital and exposing herself to the abuse and skepticism by friends, family, and the judicial system, unless something had occurred. It is estimated that 92% of the time, a woman reporting a rape is telling the truth.

If she doesn’t struggle or scream, how can that be rape?

Rape is sex without consent, whether or not there is a struggle. If a woman feels that she has no choice, or is incoherent or unconscious, it is rape.

She said “no,” but we had sex before and she was fine with it that time.

Her sexual history with you or anyone else is irrelevant. Prior consent is not necessarily consent for the current situation. Remember, NO means NO.

Aren’t women who wear sexy clothing and flirt with guys at parties just asking for it?

What a woman wears has nothing to do with the behavior of the rapist. Rape is about power, not sex. A woman is never to blame for being raped. As one author says, “A woman is no more to blame for being raped because she was in a risky situation, than a deer is for wandering into the sights of the hunter.” The perpetrator is at fault, not the victim.

How can I protect myself from being accused of sexual assault?

  • Know your sexual desires and limits and communicate them clearly.
  • Be aware of social pressures and remember that it’s okay not to “score.”
  • Remember that being turned down is not a personal rejection. Women who say “No” to sex are not rejecting you; they are expressing their desire not to participate in a single act.
  • Your desires may be beyond your control, but your actions are within your control.
  • Accept the woman’s decision.  “No” means “No.”
  • Don’t continue after “No.” If you think the woman doesn’t mean it, simply stop and ask…then respect her decision.
  • Don’t assume that just because a woman wears sexy clothes and flirts that she wants to have sex.
  • Don’t assume that previous permission for sexual contact applies to the current situation.
  • Avoid excessive use of alcohol and/or drugs. Never have sex with someone who is intoxicated or passed out.

Can’t men also be victims of sexual assault?

Yes. One in six men will be sexually assaulted in his lifetime. Male survivors may experience fear and anger over the loss of control of their bodies. Men are often raised to believe that showing emotion is weak or wrong, which can make it even harder to deal with the overwhelming feelings resulting from an assault. It is important to seek help. See information about what to do if you are assaulted.